The Secret to a Better Life is Self-Compassion

Movement is a powerful tool for self-compassion. It can help us to connect with our bodies and minds in a way that allows us to be more understanding and forgiving of ourselves. In this post, we’ll explore some ways to use movement to foster self-compassion. Whether you’re an athlete, a parent, or a student, cultivating self-compassion is a lifelong journey and totally worth cultivating.

What is your relationship to movement?

A Mobility and Movement practice can be difficult. It fosters a potential recipe for discomfort and frustration for many of us. Our bodies innately wish to take the path of least resistance. When we challenge ourselves through movement we can easily fall into self-sabotaging behaviours. Our nervous system wants to keep us safe and if we begin to fear movement or perceive it as threatening, our survival brain will sound the alarm whenever we feel discomfort or tenderness. It is no one’s fault; it is simply instinctual. 

Pain vs Discomfort

Movement is feared by many because pain and discomfort can seem indistinguishable and are easily conflated. When our body perceives pain we begin to create neurological wiring to avoid the pain in an effort to remain safe. Challenging movements that create discomfort that involves pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zone can start to be perceived by our nervous system as pain or threatening.

Distinguishing between pain and discomfort is essential for protecting and caring for our bodies because developing strength, resiliency and flexibility involve challenging ourselves and pushing beyond our comfort zone. It is safe to do this so long as we can recover and stay present with our bodies. When we haven’t practiced this awareness and move past our comfort zone, being present in our bodies can quickly disappear, leading to potentially more harm.

Let’s paint a picture

Let’s hypothetically place ourselves into a mobility routine. We start performing one of our least favourite movements, and a muscle starts to burn. Let’s be curious and notice: What starts to happen in our body, where do our thoughts go? Do we start panicking, tighten up or hold our breath? Does our internal dialogue sound something like this: “UGH, this hurts so much, I hate this, my body will never be flexible, why am I even doing this”? Does our self-talk eventually get the best of us, causing us to stop? Without realizing it, a train of thought similar to this causes movement to feel burdensome and painful, reinforcing our bodies to fear the movement.

We have the power to change our internal dialogue, we can begin today and bring in a vital tool to assist with our journeys in connecting our minds and our body and creating a safe and friendly internal environment. 

Self-compassion

The construct of self-compassion is drawn from Buddhist psychology and was first operationally defined and introduced into the psychological literature over a decade ago. Neff (2003b, 2016) proposes that self-compassion is a type of self-to-self relating that represents a compassionate rather than uncompassionate stance toward the self when faced with personal suffering: self-kindness versus self-judgment, a sense of common humanity versus isolation, and mindfulness versus over-identification.

Germer, C. & Neff, K. D. (2019)

Steps for Cultivating Self-Compassion

1. Take a moment to breathe, turn in and observe.

The first and most important thing is awareness with a compassionate stance. When we are holding a stretch that we perceive as causing discomfort, pause and notice what sensations are felt in the body. Does it feel like burning, tight, pulling, deep or superficial? Do you feel it in one spot or does it radiate down? How does it change as you observe the sensations?

2. Notice the internal dialogue.

What dialogue is happening inside our minds? Are we telling ourselves to “suck it up,” or are we approaching the discomfort with kindness? Believe it or not, this will make a huge difference in our practices.

3. Adjust the perception

When something is tender, acknowledge the sensations and feelings with “I hear you, we are safe.” Try to welcome these sensations gently with curiosity instead of judging them as “bad”. Finding acceptance in every movement is crucial for nurturing the connection with our bodies. 

4. An accurate view is in the present

Suppose our previous identification of this sensation was “bad,” or we were unkind or judging ourselves through this process. In that case, it can be very challenging to have an accurate view of ourselves and what we are experiencing. This can compromise our ability to be in tune with our body and know if we are pushing ourselves too far or have more room to go.

5. Becoming the observer

When we are present and listening, our body will inform us when a movement is complete. When we learn to befriend ourselves and trust that our body can be challenged and safe, this is where we can expand our comfort zone. But, if we push our body through pain, this is how our comfort zone will narrow; this will only lead to our nervous system putting up more defences to avoid that movement.

MVMNT Practice

MVMNT practice is built on self-compassion, we can help you learn how to tap into your body, find the edges of your comfort zone and expand them gently. We have created MVMNT sequences to help you learn how MVMNT can be your vehicle for healing and self-compassion. We offer daily mobility routines, meditation and targeted mobility and movement within our MVMNT membership. Try out our FREE 7-day trial and let us help you foster self-compassion through movement.

Continue to Cultivate Self-Compassion

An additional tool that we can add to our toolbox is self-talk that combines honesty and kindness. This is the basis of compassion and ultimately helps our practice grow. When we start observing our inner dialogue, we will likely notice how negative and critical the little voice inside our head can be. We might also notice how exaggerated this voice can be and how little truth it holds. Being compassionate is not a flow of unconditional kindness because kindness without honesty is a form of self-enabling. But honestly without kindness is a form of self-harm.

The struggle is real

From firsthand experience, I can confidently say that most of my inner chatter was downright mean and the inner dialogue would enable my self-destructive behaviours. Harmful or enabling self-talk happens to all of us and can be incredibly challenging to silence. Our goal isn’t necessarily to silence the mean voice, but to introduce a friendly one and become curious about the other voice.

Keeping our minds focused on kind and caring dialogue might be challenging at first. We may throw endless excuses towards the practice of compassion because our mind craves predictability. When we introduce a compassionate stance (even if we know it’s good for us), it can feel abnormal and this change can be perceived by our nervous system as unpredictability. This is no different from anything else we try for the first time; it will take time and perseverance. The most important thing is to try to create the kind and honest voice that you would give to a friend. 

Befriend yourself

Focus on what we would say to a friend in the same situation. How would we lift them up or support them best? Have something in mind? Great. Now we will extend that compassion towards ourselves. Something that is all too common with human beings is that we are often more understanding and kind towards other people than ourselves. Let’s change that today! We want to cultivate self-compassion which involves relating to ones-self in a kind and honest way.

Want to learn more about cultivating resilience and nervous system regulation? Check out our blog post: Building Resilience